gidgetgirl84: (bamf!Kurt)
[personal profile] gidgetgirl84
Title: No One Puts Porcelain In The Corner (or The One Where Sue Reclaims Her Lost Cheerio)
Rating: PG-13 (I’m rounding up, I think, but better safe than sorry)
Pairing: Pre Kurt/Blaine
Spoilers: Through “Special Education”
Word Count: 4,877
Disclaimer: Not mine. Please don’t sue me.
Warnings: Pretty cracktastic, some swearing and innuendo
Betas: The lovely
[info]sarinmorphine  and [info]tlaina 
Summary:  Things still not quite kosher at Dalton Academy, Kurt receives some visitors.
AN #1: I know nothing about cheerleading beyond what I’ve seen on TV. All moves were gotten from Youtube videos, so if they don’t make sense, sorry, but as far as I can tell they are all actual moves and quite possible. (Or possible for some people who are not me anyway.)
AN #2: Credit to
[info]quackaquacka ’s Sue Sylvester Is Not A Force Of Nature (she's just the one who makes it bend to her will) for inspiring me and [info]pyroclastic  for the Happy Feet comparison.

~*~*~*~*

Kurt had just walked past the top of the staircase in front of the main entrance to Dalton Academy when he heard the painfully familiar voice coming through a bullhorn.

"Porcelain!" Sue Sylvester barked.

"Coach?" he asked quietly, looking down on her from the railing as the rest of the Dalton students looked at her in confusion.

"Front and center, Porcelain," she commanded as her Cheerios started filing in the front entrance and entered into formation behind her.

Obeying her commands had been long since ingrained in him, so he quickly did as he was told and raced down the stairs, squeezing between fellow students that seemed to be frozen in the entryway.

As he came to attention in front of her, she nodded. "Good. You still follow instructions from those in true authority after being in this sorry excuse for a Borg Collective, masquerading as a school. Trust me - back before they new the resistance of one Sue Sylvester, the Borg tried to assimilate me -  I know all about the Borg.” A murmur went through the crowd of boys around them at this pronouncement. "You're probably wondering what I'm doing here, Porcelain. After all, it's not for just anyone that the great Sue Sylvester travels all this way and graces an institute so unworthy of her presence the honor of seeing herself and her Cheerios just to talk to them."

"Yes, Coach," Kurt agreed, still confused.

"First, let me start off by saying that Karofsky and Azimio are no longer students at McKinley High. Sue Sylvester does not appreciate having her decisions overturned, so the school board no longer has the authority. It’s in my contract," she continued dismissively. "I am now in charge of all discipline at that school and those two Neanderthals are not good enough to kiss the ground my Cheerios walk on, never mind share air in the same building. Also, the football and hockey teams are on notice. If any of them so much as trip in the presence of anyone else in that school, they will follow those two out. Those slushies are nothing but crap, so they are no longer allowed in my school either. If anyone is found holding one, never mind throwing one, they will also follow the Neanderthals' example," she finished with a firm nod.

Kurt couldn't help but let a smile spread across his face as she detailed the changes that had taken place at his old school in the three months he'd been gone. "I'm glad to hear it, Coach."

"Well, it wasn't for you, of course," she said, denying the blatant truth. "Sue Sylvester does not like bullies. Only she is allowed to be a bully."

"Of course, Coach," he agreed with a smile.

Despite knowing he was humoring her, she just nodded. "Now onto the important part. Have you been keeping up your training?"

Nodding quickly, he confirmed, "Yes, Coach."

"Good. Let’s see it. We'll start out simple. Toe touch - back handspring - back tuck."

"What? Here?" he asked in confusion, looking around the full entryway.

Turning a harsh stare on the loitering students, she bellowed, "Cheerios!"

Immediately the cheerleaders broke formation and cleared out the entryway, herding and pushing the gawking boys out of the way. After a good size area was cleared of students, the cheerleaders surrounded the cleared space, barring anyone from entering it.

Seeing the floor cleared, she turned her stare back on her former star and repeated, "Toe touch - back handspring - back tuck."

Looking around at all the people now staring at him, he wasn't sure what to do. "But--” he started. When she raised an eyebrow at him and his fellow Warblers and students didn't do anything but look on in confusion, he acquiesced. "Okay," he muttered, rolling his eyes.

Dropping his bag and jacket at her feet, he stepped back from her into the open space, stretching lightly. Closing his eyes and shaking out the nerves, he took a deep breath before exploding into action. Landing with only a slight wobble, he looked to see what she would do next.

Frowning, she yelled, "I thought you said you practiced! I know people with one leg who could stick a landing on something that simple without a wobble! Anyone who was ever a Cheerio is not allowed to wobble! They are not weeble wobbles! Again!"

"But Coach, my shoes--" he started, but stopped at her furious stare. "Okay."

Taking a deep breath, he did the tumble once again, this time nailing the landing. Smiling in satisfaction, he turned to her, smile dropping at her frown.

"Marginally better but you still need work. Front tuck - round off - back handspring - layout twist."

Kurt was still in uniform, had his dress shoes on, and was surrounded by people wondering why the hell they were being invaded by cheerleaders and why said cheerleaders and the crazy woman they were listening to were forcing one of their own to tumble around the entryway of their school. He opened his mouth to protest but closed it at her unimpressed stare. Shaking his head, he backed up towards the crowd, his eyes running over it. Spotting Blaine, Wes, and David edging their way to the front, he could only shake his head. Sue's appearance was the biggest news to hit this place in months, even bigger than any Warblers performance could hope to be. Phones must have been going crazy across the school getting the word out.

When Blaine looked at him, as if to ask what was going on, he could only shrug. He really didn't know, but as anyone at McKinley could tell you, you don't tell Sue Sylvester no. Looking away from his friend, he let the question go and concentrated once more before doing as commanded.  After sticking the landing once more, he smiled at the thought of showing off a bit in front of Blaine, before turning to look at Sue once again.

Lips pursed, she nodded. "Three back handsprings - full twist."

Shaking his head at the crazy things he thought he'd never be ordered to do again, he got into position. Moves done and landing perfect, he turned to her once more.

"Toe touch - pike jump - toe touch - pike jump - back tuck," she ordered, not commenting on his previous tumble.

Legs burning at the thought, he got into position once again. Once again landing without issue, he turned to his former coach to see what she would order next.

"Well, I suppose you have been trying to keep up with your training, but you're not up to Cheerio standards. Probably impossible to do actually, without Sue Sylvester around to tell you how horrible you are," she mused. "Hmm. Never mind. What about your singing? You still doing that? I saw that horrible excuse for a performance this school put on at Sectionals. No Cheerio, former or current, should be forced to blend in with anyone not up to Cheerio standards. And let me tell you, Borg Academy is not up to my standards. I am offended that anyone who is not me would think to make anyone that I chose as my Star Cheerio blend with sub par performers. It's not allowed. It's in my contract," she added dismissively. "You still doing the singing?"

Still having no idea what the hell this was about, he nodded. "Yes, I'm part of the Warblers."

"Good. Have they let you sing like you normally do or are you still being put in the background?"

"Uh, no solos, coach," he murmured, blushing.

"Hmph. I suppose they're going to the Happy Feet hobbit that looks like he gets hair care tips from Schuester?"

Nodding, he couldn't help but snort. "Blaine, coach. Yes, they mostly go to him. He's a nice guy, though, despite it. I'm working on the hair."

"I'm glad to hear about the hair, Porcelain. You know how I feel about Schuester’s hair care - it's not natural and should not be seen as something to emulate."

Rolling his eyes, Kurt just nodded.

"Since the choir here is obviously tone deaf, jealous of your porcelain skin, or somehow missing the star potential that is so blatantly obvious to the great Sue Sylvester, have you been practicing on your own?" At his nod, she continued. "Good. Handstand and sing that Gravity song you love. I want to make sure you can still hit those notes." Before he could object again, she narrowed her gaze on him.

"Yes, coach," he agreed, going to the center of the clearing. Taking a deep breath, he raised his hands before moving into the handstand. "Something has changed within me," he began.

Opening his eyes as he finished the song, he looked at his ex-coach, still in the handstand,  lungs burning and muscles feeling the strain.

Nodding, she told him he was allowed to get up.

Leaning into the front walkover, he stood up, taking a moment as the blood rushed from his head. Looking around the very quiet audience, he couldn't help but smirk. Moving to attention in front of Sue once again, he looked at her, his face blank.

"Porcelain, as you may be aware, next week is Nationals. Following our superior example last year, several teams have now added their own vocal accompaniment. Fortunately, they are sub par to my Star Cheerio, but I need him once again to show them why the Cheerios were and always will be the best."

"But--" he began, eyes wide in confusion and shock.

"I had to get the officials to end the time limit - no one tells Sue Sylvester how long she’s allowed to have her Cheerios perform - but we are now performing for 20 minutes. I've decide on an Italian Opera medley, since the French thing went over so well last year. It's even got some High F's and G’s, since you assured me last year they were within your range," she added eyes narrowing, as if had lied about that.

"Well, yes, of course they are," he quickly assured her. "But what about school? I don’t go to McKinley, Coach, and my parents paid a lot of money to send me here. I can’t just leave."

Waving that off, she continued, "Don't worry about that, Figgins and some of my boosters will take care of that. I just need you to come back. Remember what I told you, Porcelain, the only one who can tell you who you are is me - and I say you should stick out like the little peacock you are. These snotty mouth breathers," she waved at their audience, "may be content to all be the same, but that’s not who you are. This may have been a safe place for you to rest for a while, but its not where you belong. And just because you come home, it doesn't mean you have to leave behind your little hobbit," she said while pointing at Blaine as he weaved his way through the crowd on the clearings edge, causing them both to blush. "You didn’t lose your little sub-basement friends when you came here. If he has any will to avoid castration, he’ll behave the same as them," she added with a glare in Blaine’s direction.

"I..." Kurt trailed off, not knowing what to say.

"Are you happy, Porcelain?" she demanded, cutting to the chase.

He looked around at the place where he was safe, but bored. The place where he was pushed into a box that was the same as hundreds of others here. He looked at the guys who had allowed him to join the Warblers. Guys that were polite, but not friendly. Guys that were happy to continue as they were and welcomed him, as long as he was content to meekly follow.

He looked at the guy he really liked. The guy he thought was special, who got him unlike anyone else he'd ever known, even his best friend. The guy here at school who seemed to be so different from the guy he hung out with before he came here himself. The guy who stood out and was special and different, a goofball who enjoyed Broadway and the Buckeyes. The guy who seemed to be content to be just one of the crowd here and wanted him to do the same.

"No," he answered still looking at Blaine.

"Kurt," Blaine called out, clearly hearing his answer from where he’d stopped moving, now near the two, and breaking through the Cheerio barricade. "Kurt, what are you doing? What the hell is going on?"

"Blaine, meet Coach Sue Sylvester. Coach, this is Blaine Jackson. Coach is here to take me back to McKinley, Blaine."

"But, Kurt," he protested, "it's not safe. I know things still aren't perfect here, but you're safe here. You don't have to worry about who's going to attack you next."

"Yeah, I'm safe here, Blaine, but I'm not happy. I'm not sure you are either, but where you seem to be content to Stepfordize yourself and quietly stay here anyway, I'm not. I already planned on just finishing the year out and going back to McKinley. Coach coming here and arranging for me to go back sooner just made it easier to go now. I’m sorry but I have to take her up on the offer.”

“This is crazy. I seriously don’t even know what’s going on right now, Kurt. I mean the crazy flipping and jumping and singing that song on your hands, what was that?”

“I told you I was a cheerleader. What did you think we did? We won Nationals last year, Blaine, for the sixth year in a row. Did you think we just shook some pom poms to do that?” Kurt asked, his eyes narrowing as he explained. “I know a lot of guys don’t seem to think that cheerleaders are anything but eye candy, but I thought you were different. It’s harder then that pointless excuses for testosterone induced violence you’ve had me sit through.”

“I’m not arguing, but I just didn’t know. I really just - I’m shocked. That was just crazy, Kurt,” he said with not a little but of awe.

Nodding now that he knew the proper amount of respect was directed at the insane stuff he’d been forced to learn last year, he continued, “Yes, well, as I said McKinley won Nationals last year. I did a 14 minute Celine Dion medley in French and as it went over so well, the competition is going to try to copy it. We have to up the ante now. Nationals are next week, so Coach wants me back. It should be good. A 20 minute Italian Opera medley? With all the high notes sure to be in it, a lot of people will be flying. They always go so well together, the high notes and flyers. Will I be doing any flying, Coach?” he asked turning back to Sue.

“Yes. I’ve got some excellent flying stunts and tumbles for you. I see your hips aren’t as pear shaped anymore, which means you’ve lost some weight. That’s good - it’ll make throwing you easier. You still do the yoga right?” she asked and he nodded. “Good, because I’m thinking of showing off some of that, too. You were incredibly Gumby-like and I’d like to see how much you can stretch and still sing.”

“Oh, well that sounds like it should be a challenge,” he smiled, getting into the idea of Nationals now. Turning his back to the two, he allowed his body to smoothly flow into a backbend, walking his hands towards his feet, before looking up at them from the stretch. “Stretching will make it a little harder to hold the notes I think, but I’m sure I could work with it.”

Eyes widening, Blaine interrupted the coach and Kurt. “What the hell? You’re going to learn a 20 minute Italian Opera medley that you’re supposed to sing while you flip and fly and stretch? And oh my god! Will you stand up!” Looking at him as if he was the insane one, Kurt slowly stood up before turning around. “Jesus, I never knew you were that flexible,” he mumbled, his sentence trailing off. “This is insane, Kurt. It’s impossible to learn and do everything in a week.”

“You think this is hard?” Sue shouted while both she and Kurt continued to look at him as if he was the crazy one. “Try assimilating the Borg to your Collective - that’s hard. Porcelain will have the routine down by the weekend.”

“Really, Blaine, a week is plenty of time,” Kurt added condescendingly. “Last year coach gave us the routine 3 days before Nationals. A week is a ton of time. I’m sure it’s only because of how slow the transfer process promises to be and my not having been on the team for a while that she thinks I’ll need that much time...  Blaine, what is your problem? Your eyes look as if they’re about to pop out of your head,” he asked warily.

“That’s… I - what - I don’t… I just…” he sputtered.

Narrowing his eyes at the clearly stressed boy, Kurt shook his head before turning back to his coach. “What happens next coach? I’m supposed to have class here in 10 minutes,” he said after quickly glancing at his watch. “Should I go, or is the transfer process to start right away?”

Narrowing her eyes at the disturbed boy, she frowned before looking back at her Star Cheerio. “There’s something not right with your hobbit, Porcelain,” shaking her head, she continued. “We’ll go see the headmaster of this sorry excuse for a Collective now. Figgins gave me the authority to talk on his behalf here, so we’ll start the transfer now. One of my boosters is waiting to take care of the school fees - he’s a lawyer and he’s got all sorts of ideas on how to get all your tuition waived and returned to your parents, so that shouldn’t be a problem. I stopped by your father’s garage before I came here, and explained everything and he said the choice was yours. He’s expecting a call about this whole thing as well.” Lifting her bullhorn once again, she barked. “Cheerios! Back to the vans. And none of you better get pregnant while I’m gone,” she added, her eyes narrowing at some of the mouth breathers that looked on in lust induced awe at her Cheerios. Feeling her heated gaze, a couple mouth breathers that were about to try to get a few of her girls' attention, looked up. Seeing her look, they shrank back in fear, one going so far as to push another mouth breather in front of him. Appeased by the show of fear, she looked back to her Star Cheerio. “Which way to the office, Porcelain?” she demanded.

Looking at Blaine who was still sputtering, he murmured. “I’ll talk to you later, Blaine.” Moving back towards Sue, he leaned down to grab his jacket and bag. “This way, coach,” he waved before moving in the direction of the headmaster’s office, her narrowed eye glare clearing a path through the still loitering crowd.

Looking after the two retreating people, Wes and David joined the stupefied Blaine. “What the hell was that, man?” Wes asked.

“I don’t even...” he started, still staring in the direction Kurt had walked in. Shaking his head, as if to clear it of all the crazy, he turned to his two friends. “That was the crazy ass cheerleading coach from McKinley. She came to bring back Kurt. He’s apparently going with her.”  

“But why would she come for him?” Wes asked in confusion. “And what the hell was all that flipping and shit he did? And that song? Did you know he could do that?”

“The flipping? No. No I didn’t. He was on their cheerleading team, which won Nationals last year - that I knew. But apparently I have no idea what that entails because that’s where he learned all the flipping. The song? Well, you’ve heard him sing. I’m surprised he did it while standing on his hands, but we’ve heard him sing. That’s no surprise,” he answered, a little confused at the surprise they were showing at the singing. Everything else he was totally with them on, but the singing wasn’t really surprising.

“Did you not hear the crazy ass notes in that song?” David demanded. “I don’t know that song, but I know a High F when I hear it. How the hell did we not know he could sing that?”

“I don’t know. How didn’t you?” Blaine asked in confusion.

“Freakin’ A, Blaine! This is what we get for giving in to you! You bitched and whined so much trying to get him in, that we let him in - without even auditioning, might I add - just to shut you up! Nobody actually paid attention to him because we figured you were just thinking with your dick! Everyone was so freaked out about Sectionals at the solo auditions that we didn't even know what the hell was going on! The only thing we knew was that his song didn’t go with our style. You know we don’t do Broadway! With a voice like his, things could have been different, though - maybe not at Sectionals, it was way to late for that - but since that? At that point things weren’t set in stone for Regionals. Now he’s leaving and taking an amazing opportunity with him!” David bitched.

“What the hell?” Blaine demanded. “Okay, first of all, obviously he can sing! I’d never get you guys to let someone join the Warblers just because I think he’s hot! If he couldn’t sing I’d have never pushed so hard, especially not that close to Sectionals. And it’s so not my fault you guys were assholes at his solo audition and didn’t pay attention! He was amazing, as I said afterwards, might I add, but all you people paid attention to was that he was singing a song from Evita! A song that wasn’t mainstream pop, so you ignored it and him. That’s on you guys, not me! And while we’re on the subject of assholes - how come you guys kept up the distant asshole act after the audition and Sectionals? You guys were nicer to him when he was on an opposing team then when he was on ours!”

Exchanging a look with David, Wes sighed before answering. “We were worried he was taking advantage of you.”

“What?” Blaine asked, anger losing out to confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“Jesus, Blaine,” Wes sighed once again. “They day you met him you couldn’t have been more obvious if you had a flashing sign over your head saying ‘please like me’. Dude, you made us sing Teenage Dream while you had eye sex with him! Then after that he tells you his sob story life and you can’t shut up about him. Then all of a sudden you’re telling us he’s coming here, you’re getting strings pulled so that you can be around him as much as possible and getting him a spot in the Warblers. When you get hearts in your eyes like that man, you’re so easy to take advantage of. It just seemed like he was taking advantage of you, and we thought if we froze him out, maybe he’d take the hint and go away before you got hurt.”

Dumbfounded by the overprotective morons he considered his friends, Blaine could only sigh. “You guys suck,”  he muttered.

“Well, you guys got your way. He’s leaving. Also, he apparently thinks this is freakin’ Stepford Academy, so that’s great,” he rolled his eyes. “The way you two assholes were acting made him think he had to be something he’s not to make any friends here, and he’d rather go back to the place he was assaulted on a daily basis, because hey, at least there more than a single person will give him the time of day and he gets to be himself even if he does get molested and have his life threatened by closet case assholes because of it!” he couldn’t help but yell, working himself up.

“Jesus, Blaine!” "Fuck!" David and Wes yelped.

Exchanging a look with David, Wes turned back to Blaine miserably. “We’re sorry, man. We didn’t know it was that bad. The whole thing was just so weird, and neither of you said anything, and we just didn’t know. We’re sorry. We just thought we were protecting you. We didn’t know it was like the shitty sauce on a shitty sundae. But Jesus, man. Molested? What the fuck. He’s going back there after that?”

Sighing, Blaine shook his head. “Molesting may be an exaggeration, but the guy who treated him the worst kissed him and then afterwards he just did some things that had a creepy sexual edge and told Kurt that if he ever told anyone he’d kill him. Obviously Kurt was freaked the fuck out and after his parents offered, he decided to transfer here because I made the place sound like the land of sunshine and puppies. Jesus, guys, this whole thing just sucks all around.”

“Jesus, we really are sorry, man,” David sighed. “Look, we’ll talk to him. Explain. Maybe he won’t want to go. Obviously you like him, maybe he’ll stay for you.”

Blaine could only shake his head in denial. “No, he won’t. There’s something there between us, but he could never get comfortable here, and my trying to help him get comfortable obviously failed. He thinks I’m some self hating preppy asshole now because I always got quiet when you two assholes started in with that polite disdain you had going any time he was around and it must have looked like I was ashamed. When truthfully, I just didn’t know what the hell you guys were doing, and because I’m apparently an idiot, I just didn’t call you on it. You guys definitely need to talk to him and apologize, but maybe it’s for the best that he goes back there. He wasn’t happy here, but I don’t think he would leave so suddenly without a change there. Hopefully it’ll be better there now and he can be happy. He really did miss all his friends there. They all really stepped up for him in the end - it just wasn’t enough. But like the crazy woman said, we can still be friends even if we don’t go to the same school. Hopefully after he’s comfortable again and we fix things, we can change them. Maybe date? I hope so anyway.”

Nodding in agreement, Wes agreed. “Totally, man, we’ll talk to him as soon as possible and explain. It wasn’t your fault that we had a case of the stupids, so he’ll probably forgive you. And we’ll totally help you get him to go out with you. Teenage Dream and the eye sex seemed to work pretty well, so we’ll do something else. I seem to remember you saying he was more of a Gaga fan - maybe you can do Lovegame? We all know you want to ride his disco stick,” he laughed.

Blushing Blaine could only shake his head as the warning bell rang for classes, causing the still pretty full entryway to start clearing out. “Shut up asshole, we’ve got to get to class.”

“No seriously man,” Wes teased. “You should have seen the way your eyes bugged out of your head when he was bent in half. Will you stand up!” he mimicked laughing with David.

“Seriously, you guys suck so much. It was just so ridiculous. I had no idea he was that flexible,” Blaine muttered.

“Hmm, I’m sure you’d like to know just how flexible he is. Maybe use that flexibility in all sorts of interesting ways?” David teased.

“Such assholes,” Blaine sighed. “But seriously, he’s learning a 20 minute Italian Opera medley in a week? He doesn’t even speak Italian! And learning a 20 minute routine with all those flips and stretches and crap? In a week? Who does that?”

“A week?” David and Wes yelped.

Laughing, Blaine could only shrug as they got to their class. “I guess things are just different at McKinley.”

From:
Anonymous( )Anonymous This account has disabled anonymous posting.
OpenID( )OpenID You can comment on this post while signed in with an account from many other sites, once you have confirmed your email address. Sign in using OpenID.
User
Account name:
Password:
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
Subject:
HTML doesn't work in the subject.

Message:

 
Notice: This account is set to log the IP addresses of everyone who comments.
Links will be displayed as unclickable URLs to help prevent spam.

Profile

gidgetgirl84: (Default)
gidgetgirl84

April 2012

S M T W T F S
1234567
89101112 1314
15161718192021
22232425262728
2930     

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jul. 26th, 2017 08:43 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios